- Dunkin' tops 3Q earnings expectations, misses revenue forecasts 10/23/2014Dunkin' Brands Group Inc. (DNKN) on Thursday reported third-quarter profit of $54.7 million.
- Swedish government ups taxes, spending on welfare, military 10/23/2014Sweden's left-leaning government has proposed raising taxes and welfare benefits and boosting military spending in its first budget bill since taking office after last month's election.
- Applications for US jobless aid likely rose last week, but would remain near historic lows 10/23/2014The U.S. Labor Department reports on the number of people who applied for unemployment benefits last week.
- Anti-corruption group: several G-20 nations making little or no effort to enforce bribe rules 10/23/2014An anti-corruption watchdog says that several of the Group of 20 global economic powers are making little or no effort to enforce rules barring multinational companies from paying bribes abroad, and only Canada has improved significantly in the past year.
- Examples of ballot initiatives with corporate cash behind them 10/23/2014Large companies and national advocacy groups are putting millions of dollars in ads behind ballot measures this year, from questions about oil companies' profits in Alaska to recreational marijuana in Florida, according to an analysis of advertising data released Thursday from the Center for Public Integrity.
- Dunkin' tops 3Q earnings expectations, misses revenue forecasts 10/23/2014
In this vast Universe, man encounters various laws, some natural such as gravity, some man made, such as traffic and others such as what are considered metaphysical laws. These laws are governed by infallible rules which do not allow for any deviancy from the effect of a given cause. As in any study, an orderly approach is necessary and a list is an excellent method of exploration. Vermont and other liberal States have attempted to regulate some or all of these laws.
Universal Immutable Laws
- Law of Mechanical Repair – After your hands become coated with grease, your nose begins to itch and you will need to pee.
- Law of Gravity – Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, rolls to the least accessible corner.
- Law of Probability- The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
- Law of Random Numbers – If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.
- Supermarket Law – As soon as you get in the shortest line, the cashier will have to call for help.
- Law of Congestion – If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now.
- Law of the Bath – When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.
- Law of Close Encounters -The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone other than your spouse.
- Law of the Result – When you try to prove to someone that a machine will not work, it will.
- Law of Biomechanics – The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach except when it is in an embarrassing place. Then it is directionally proportional.
- The Coffee Law – As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your spouse will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
- Morphy’s Law of Lockers – If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
- Law of Interplaner Surfaces – The chances of an open-faced jam sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.
- Law of Logical Argument- If you don’t know what you are talking about, anything is possible. The odds of embarrassment rise exponentially with the size of the audience.
- Brown’s Law of Physical Appearance – If the clothes fit, they’re ugly.
- Oliver’s Law of Public Speaking – A closed mouth gathers no feet.
- Wilson’s Law of Commercial Production – As soon as you find a product that you really like, they stop making it.
- Doctors’ Law – If you don’t feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you’ll feel better, IF YOU don’t make an appointment, you’ll stay sick.
- Law of the Theater – At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.
Barack Obama traveled to Chicago on Monday in order to cast his ballot early and avoid the long slow-moving lines of dead voters who appear in huge numbers closer to election day.
“I’m so glad I can early vote,” the president gushed while standing at a voting booth next to a young woman named Aia Cooper. “It’s so exciting. I love voting!” Which will certainly come as a surprise to anyone who knew him in his Illinois senate days.
The president’s visit to the polling place was not without moments of levity. For instance, after watching Obama direct small talk and googly eyes at Ms. Cooper, her fiancé, Mike Jones, warned “Don’t touch my girlfriend.”
The good-natured and heavily-guarded president laughed off the threat, saying that it was “an example of a brother just embarrassing you for no reason.” Which seems like a pretty blatant example of racial stereotyping to us, but then again if Obama claims to know how all “brothers” act we’re certainly not going to question his half-white judgement.
The president’s arm-waving, “hey, look at me!” trip to the polls is part of a broad campaign to raise awareness of early voting in order to maximize voter turnout in the midterms, especially among African-Americans. Because, according to an expert witness funded by the Justice Department, black voters “tend to be less sophisticated” and “less attuned to public affairs.” In fact, according to one pollster, fewer than half of African-Americans even know when the midterms are. [snip]
My neighbor went to his doctor for his physical and was sent to the urologist as a precaution. When he got there, he discovered the Urologist is a very pretty and young female doctor.
Well she said,”I’m going to check your prostate today, but this new procedure is a little different from what you are probably used to. I want you to lie on your right side,bend your knees, then while I check your prostate, take a deep breath and say, ’99’.
My neighbor obeys and says, “99”.
The doc says, “Great”, now turn over on your left side and again, while I repeat the check, take a deep breath and say, ’99”.
Again, my neighbor says, ’99’.”
Once more the doc said, “Very good”.
Now then, I want you to lie on your back with your knees raised slightly.
I’m going to check your prostate with this hand, and with the other hand I’m going to hold on to your penis to keep it out of the way.
Now take a deep breath and say, ’99’.
My neighbor begins, very slowly
He’s just old, not stupid.